Wouldn’t you like to see your name in print? Think of the defeated look on your reptilian bosses face as you give him a signed copy of the book in which your work has been published for Christmas. Well now you can soar that very ego trip via any of three of Christopher Fielden’s writing challenges.
‘Oh Lordy, he’s not going on about those again is he?’ I hear you cringe. ‘He’s gone on about how with every 100 submitted stories in each challenge a new volume is published until I’m as sick as that nonsensically adverbially challenged clichéd parrot.’
Well yes I am, actually, as these challenges are fun, quick and free to enter, your story, no matter how poor, will be published*. Whats more every volume sold raises another £1 for charity.
There are 3 ongoing challenges:
– (a) – Nonsensically Challenged – For bonkers short stories on any subject* of up to 200 words.
– (b) – Adverbially Challenged – For short stories on any subject* containing as many adverbs as you can possibly squeeze in. Max 100 words.
* subject to editorial views on legality and public decency
– (c) – Cliché Challenge – for short stories of up to 150 words containing as many clichés as you can throw a stick at.
Entry to any (or all) of these stories is simply by email via this link
This week I’ve submitted my entries for the latest volume for all 3 challenges.
Please buy the books when each 100 contributions has been received, but in the meantime, you can get a sneak preview here:
My entry to Nonsensically Challenged: THE DAY BEFORE CALCIUM
I thought it was odd – I was the only one out celebrating World Rabies Day.
Now I realise you’ve switched my calendar for a periodic table, and that it wasn’t September 28th at all, but Potassium.
I should have known. The whole morning had that sort of Atomic Number 19 thing about it. As I passed the ballroom it struck me that potassium is one of the plant world’s major nutrients, encouraging flowering, fruiting and general hardiness.
I wonder how long this had been going on. Yesterday would have been Argon. Hmm. I didn’t see any colourless, odourless, non-flammable or nontoxic gases, noble or otherwise, so you must have made the switch last night, when I was in the kitchen sink, possibly when I was washing that map of The Wolds.
I must insist you put the calendar back, otherwise tomorrow will be Calcium. I’d go so far as to say that out of the 115 known elements, Calcium is my 89th least favourite, though some days it is 88th as you know I have such an on/off relationship with Strontium.
Please let me have dates back. I miss Tuesdays. It’s Panorama.
Major Nutrients? Wasn’t he in Tenko?
My entry to Adverbally Challenge: THE RUEFULLY MISSED OPPORTUNITY
Confession time: When I first sat down to write my entry, I was suffering from the misapprehension there was 200 word limit so I gaily adverbed away. OK, so the first version below has 213 words, but I knew I could edit the 13+ down when I got home. But that 13+ became 113+ as to my horror I realised there was a 100 word maximum. With some head scratching and fierce culling, I produced version 2 which just squeaks in, though it lost a few adverbs. Do you think it still works?
VERSION 1 (213 words)
I hurriedly took my dress from the dresser and dressed dressily. The harmlessly looking scissors were held coldly against my freckly skin by my unglamourously laced bra strap. I carefully slipped my beautifully tailored jacket and gaudily patterned shoes on, and strode purposefully to the Jaguar where my chauffeur waited dutifully.
As I climbed elegantly out of the car, protesters booed loudly, one viciously throwing an egg, which potentially disastrously narrowly missed my expensively coiffured hairdo.
In our eagerly anticipated meeting, I listened intently as the inconceivably elected President spoke disbelievingly of Climate Change and his deeply held views about illegally working immigrants being totally to blame for the unacceptably bad economic performance in what he considered unshakably to be his previously great nation.
As I nodded gleefully to maintain our specially alleged relationship, while my mind wandered aimlessly about leisurely rambles in the Lake District and where I could stealthily find the £1 Billion my rascally opportunist blackmailers were greedily chasing.
After an especially tiring day, I undressed wearily and found the completely forgotten scissors. I had singularly failed to sneakily bring these out in front of the President and do what all rightly-minded people would do, and covertly snip a lock of his bizarrely overcombed hair for selfishly intended posterity.
I dressed sharply, knife carefully concealed in my gaudily patterned shoe.
Protesters booed loudly as I entered the Embassy.
At our meeting, the inconceivably elected President spoke disbelievingly of Climate Change and his deeply held views about immigrants completely spoiling his previously great nation.
I nodded diplomatically to maintain our specially alleged relationship, while my mind wandered distractedly to where I could stealthily find the £1 Billion those rascally opportunists were greedily expecting.
After, I remembered I’d singularly failed to sneakily take the knife and covertly snip a lock of his bizarrely overcombed hair for selfishly intended posterity.
My entry to the Cliché Challenge: GAEL CLICHY’S CLICHED CAREER CHOICES
I’ve already posted this.
So go on – give it a go. It’s a wonderful feeling to see your name in print!