Scene: A pub. A man sitting quietly supping his pint is approached by a regular……
– Here – it’s you isn’t it!
– Err, yes I am me
– Yeah, sorry – I suppose you get this all the time
– What – you mean being accused of being me?
– No, well yes, what with you being famous and all that
– Yep, famous. You know
– Are you winking at me?
– Erm yes – it’s a ‘knowing’ wink – I didn’t mean anyth….
– Look mate, what do you want? You walk up to me, a stranger in a pub, accuse me of being….me
– Ah, see it is you then. Told you.
– Well of course I’m me, just like you are you and that guy over there is that guy over there
– OK, I know I’m me and he is, well him but you are still you aren’t you
– I’m starting to get a bit annoyed with this, chum
– You must get this all the time I suppose?
– What – you mean berks like you hassling me? No, funny enough not that often
– Aw come on. I’ve seen you on the tele, You’re playing games with me
– Playing games! Look, are you pissed?
– I know who you are
– Excuse me?
– Joe Pasquale
– Joe Pasquale!
– Joe Pasquale. Yeah, it’s you alright. You give me all this you’re him and he’s me and I’m that man
over there, but I know what I see and what I see is you. Joe Pasquale. Don’t deny it
– You think I’m Joe Pasquale?
– What straight off the stage I presume, relaxing after my show doing….well, whatever it is Joe
– Yep. You can’t kid me… Joe
– 6 foot 2 inches tall Joe Pasquale?
– With this deep gravelly voice?
– That’s right
– I’m not Joe Pasquale
– Well I know that you are
– You know that I’m Joe Pasquale?
– Yep. Can I have my photo taken with you? Joe.
– No you can’t
– Aw, please, for the missus
– For goodness sake. NO!
– Sign this beer mat for me then. Have you got a pen?
– I certainly have not
– Just as well I’ve got one then. Here…
– Thanks Joe – it’s ‘To Roy’ please
– To Roy. You want me to sign – ‘to Roy, Joe Pasquale?’
– Yep, That’s me
– OK. There you go. Roy
– Great, wait ‘til Sharon and the boys see this. ‘To Roy, Bugger off. Signed Joe Pasquale’
– Bugger off? That’s not very nice
– It isn’t meant to be
– That coming from a star n’ all
– I’m not a star
– But you just signed your name Joe Pasquale! But no, you’re no star, you’re horrible to your fans.
You’re a right….
– Civil servant
– Civil servant?
– Civil Servant. Allow me to please introduce myself. My name is Robert Ball, not star of
stage, screen and jungle but a mere environmental Health Officer from just outside
– NOT Joe Pasquale. Get it?
– Well, there’s just one thing then – Robert ‘Bobby’ Ball? – It’s you – Rock on, Tommy! See, I said you was famous!
There, that was a quick dramatization based on a true experience. I am over 6 foot, I do have quite a deep voice, I was persistently accused by a local in a Newbury pub of being Joe Pasquale. Sorry Joe. No offence :-\
To date I have not actually been mistaken for Bobby Ball. That’s writer’s licence.